


Musings of a goddess

by Cluelessly_weird



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Friendship/Love, Gen, Introspection, Letters, Post-Rebellion Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-01-24 12:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18571948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cluelessly_weird/pseuds/Cluelessly_weird
Summary: After the events of Rebellion a part of madoka was left in heaven, now trying to reach out to her guardian devil. This is the letter she writes to her, as she reflects on the events that had come to pass and were yet to be.





	Musings of a goddess

To my precious Homura,

I wanted to write my thoughts down, in the hope that someday I could share them with you. I hope that one day this letter reaches you, be it down in your false paradise or up here in my heaven. 

I realised something after you split me in two. I do not think I am hope. I give hope sure, but hope comes from a person’s heart. I just give every magical girl something to hope _for_. Had I realised that sooner, then maybe I wouldn’t have tried to make you keep your memories when I left the world. Leaving you unsure if what and whom you hoped for was even real was a disaster in the making, and a betrayal of my purpose and your wish. I'm so sorry I left you behind like that.

I don’t blame you for revealing my existence to Kyubey. I know you hate yourself for that, but it wasn’t your fault. You just wanted to have someone to talk to, someone who wouldn’t judge you for having a “ _faulty_ _memory”_. You couldn’t have known what would happen afterwards. I did know what  _could_ happen and I still placed too much trust in the incubator not to try anything. I will _never_ let that happen again.

I suppose that is something you don’t like about me. My overly trusting nature. Or maybe you do like it? I hope you do. I suppose that my nature is the reason you chose to protect me, ever since that day. And I suppose that you are right in a way. If you kept the world safe for me, then I could place my trust in it without getting hurt. I would like to live in that kind of world with you one day, but I don’t want to see you hurt yourself to make it a reality. 

If there is something I don’t like about myself, then it is how I can throw myself away without thinking of who it hurts. I didn’t know that you would all lose any memory of me when I made my final wish, and a part of me hates myself for accepting that I was going to leave so much, and so many without even saying goodbye. 

Being omnipresent has its drawbacks you know. Seeing into all the timelines that had been, and those that could have been is surprisingly painful for me. I saw so many possible ways we could have been together, and so many ways in which we could have been separated forever. It isn’t nice to feel like any happy future is just one mistake away from being forever out of reach. 

I saw us right after we freed you from your soul gem too. I saw so many choices you could have made in that moment. There were so many possible endings to our story it honestly makes my head spin. In some timelines you let me take you away. Sometimes we get lucky and live together for an eternity after that. Other times Kyubey captures me, and you’re left up here all alone, desperately searching for a way to save me. In one very painful timeline, you grabbed my hands and used them to crush your own soul gem because you were so sick of all the pain.

I couldn't see which path our lives  _would_  take though, and I hoped that the choice you were going to make would be the nicest one. 

I saw the path you ended up choosing in the end too. I hoped that you would have let me save you, but I understand why you didn’t. It’s in your nature to want to protect me, no matter what threat. And what better way to do that than to make the universe itself keep me safe. I wouldn’t mind staying with you down there, and I’m kind of sad that you didn’t take _this_ me, the Cycles’ me, with you too. But I suppose you wouldn’t want  _this_  wish to be betrayed either. You wanted to honour every important wish we both made. The one you made so long ago, the one I made to you with my dying breath laying in the rubble, and the one I made on that faithful day. I will forever be in your debt for making them come true, all of them. 

I am somewhat scared now though. I see many possibilities ahead of us. In some possible timelines, The human me becomes friends with you again. And after we have lived our normal lives, you let me return to heaven where I rejoin with  _this_ me _,_ and live with you as my faithful guardian. In others, I stay down there with you until the universe burns out. I would get very lonely up here without you, if you stayed away for that long.

Of course, Sayaka is trying to take you down too. Sometimes she succeeds and drags you towards me to save you, with you terrified that you will hurt me more. Sometimes you’re too far gone, driven mad by loss and guilt. I then have to lock you up in here to keep you safe from yourself. I don’t like that possibility, but it's better than the alternative.

In some possible futures, you die at my hands as I shoot a rose pink arrow into your heart. I’m always left crying as my weapon of hope strikes down the one I hold most dear. In another, Kyubey captures your gem again after escaping your control, and I fall into his trap following you. We would be trapped together, never apart again, yet forever stuck in a cage. Alone but together in our own small universe.

It hurts me to see you like this. All alone, without anyone there for you. I know that you’re convinced that you deserve all that loneliness and pain, but I don’t want you to be alone like that. It’s very bad for you, and you really don’t deserve it. I hope you come back with me, after this all ends. Maybe you could create a small barrier up here. It could be like a small house, just for us. It would be nice to have you with me like that.

Oh! Thank you for your visit yesterday. I know I didn’t exactly talk back to you, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Thanks for keeping my memorial clean too. I know it isn’t easy for you to see what you think is you biggest failure so proudly displayed in stone, but I really appreciate your visits. Maybe next time I can figure out how to talk back? I hope so. Maybe then I can make you a bit happier, maybe then I can help you heal from everything you've lived through.

Sometimes I wonder what has become of us. I barely recognise you as who you used to be. Although I do still see small hints of the old you peeking through your broken mask. I guess that you won’t care that you’ve changed, It was for me after all. But I miss that adorably shy you a bit. I always knew you could become really cool if you tried, if you had something to fight for.

Homura, my flame. My burning beacon of safety. Burning warm and bright, keeping away the dark and cold so I can sleep safely through the night.

As for the confession you made when you became the devil, when you made clear how you felt about me and how far you would go to keep me safe, I love you too. I always will, no matter what you or I become. None of the possible futures has me hating you. Ever. I hope that fact helps your broken heart heal just a little bit, even if you may never hear this from me.

But for now there is only hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst. I suppose that’s just like the two of us, eh? May your days be filled with bright pink sunshine, and may I one day keep the worst things away from you too. Like you tried so hard to do for me. 

Thank you, for everything.

Forever yours,

_~the Law of Cycles_

_~Madoka Kaname <3_

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so that was my first fanfic.  
> I was wondering if Madoka saw the twist end of Rebellion coming or not, which somehow escalated into this thing. I felt like sharing it, and now here we are. 
> 
> I didn't have a proofreader, and English isn't my first language either, so my writing might be a bit rough. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed anyway. ;)  
> (Feedback is always appreciated.)


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